soraya

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me. @Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants. I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

I see your point @purplelace, but I guess see it a bit differently. I think that tattoos, despite their growing popularity and presence, are still considered by a lot of people as weird. I think that even many untattooed people who are totally OK with tattoos and tattooed people, just don't understand them (e.g. "I don't have any tattoos, and have no interest in getting any, but my wife has tattoos, and I think they actually look good on her. But I still don't understand why she wants to submit herself to the pain and put something permanent on her body.") In that context, I think when so many people think tattooing is weird, and don't understand the motives, they think there has to be some deeper obscure and complex psychological reason. People understand why someone would buy a Monet or a Picasso, and if one prefers one over the other and says, "I just like Monet's use of colors," they just accept it. it is within the realm of people's understanding. For many, tattoos are beyond their realm of understanding, so perhaps that is the reason for the search for deeper motivations.

I like knowing that my flight attendant on my next flight might be covered with tattoos under that cute uniform! :)

I have half sleeves that I keep covered most of the time for professional reasons, so few people see my ink. But when I am away from my hometown, I'm less concerned and let them show. I'm aware of different perceptions sometimes. DH and I are foodies, and like to visit very fine restaurants when we travel. We were once at very formal exclusive place where the maitre d looked at me with some disdain when we walked in. As we waited I saw him and another waitperson conferring and gesturing my way. They seated us in a rather distant hidden table. When we asked to be moved, he complied, but said that he thought we would prefer the privacy. Yeah, right. He didn't want to upset his conservative clientele. There have been times when I've been aware of someone staring at my arms, and just about when I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, and starting to plot an escape, they'll say something like, "Your tattoos are so beautiful! I'm sorry if I was staring, but I couldn't take my eyes off of them!" and we might have a nice conversation about them, and I go away feeling very happy and floaty that I accomplished some tattoo public outreach! On the other hand, I've had some of the typical "Why would you do that to yourself?" comments - mostly from quite elderly people. And really, I can understand their reactions. For them it is probably pretty weird and hard to grasp. They grew up seeing only grizzled men on the fringes of society with tattoos, and suddenly here is this nice looking lady in front of them with sleeve tattoos. Since I mostly cover up, people whose perceptions matter (like related to my job) never know, and the others, well if they perceive me negatively, it generally doesn't matter to me because those relationships are brief, temporary and inconsequential. Attitudes are changing, but I think it will be a long time before people with heavy coverage are going be perceived by many mainstreamers as anything other than slightly freaky.

No apologies necessary, Euchild! I probably shouldn't have quoted your original question, which was a fair and thoughtful one. I was really reacting (and maybe overreacting!) to some of the responses to your post. I reread the responses, and realize I may have read too much into them, thinking that perhaps people were thinking that there was something creepy about my hubby for asking me to get tattooed, and maybe something creepy about me for agreeing. So I got up on my soapbox! But it has been a topic of interest to me for a while. My response grew out of a thread on another site where a lady wrote that her husband wanted her to get a tattoo, and she had strongly declined. He would not take no for an answer, and kept browbeating her, saying that if she loved him she would do it. She sounded desperate, saying, that she didn't know what to do. She really, really didn't want a tattoo, but she loved him, and was afraid he would leave her, and wondered if if she should do it just to please him. It sounded so sad, and I thought, how horrible that a person would try to intimidate their spouse like that, and how sad that she was considering doing something that she didn't want to do just to please him. Yet I realized that my husband had asked me to get a tattoo, and I was reluctant, yet I did it to please him! Was he abusing me? Was I a spineless enabler stripping myself of all dignity by agreeing? It made me think hard about the differences between her situation and mine. The big difference for us was that in the end I made the decision for me, as well for him.

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo. There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made. I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this: The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body. If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want. The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision. I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be? Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.

My husband and I had been married for a few years when he asked me if I would consider getting a tattoo. He said that he found tattoos on women very attractive and sexy, and after a lot of thought I decided to get one. I will spare the decision-making details now since it i already posted them here: http://www.lastsparrowtattoo.com/forum/general-tattoo-discussion/546-relationships-tattoos-page32.html#post72275 I decided I wanted a peony on the front of my hip. Although I was happy to get the tattoo, I considered it very private. I was uncomfortable about getting anything that might show, so I picked a location where it would never be visible in public (accept maybe in the locker room at the gym, where I planned, of course, to go to great lengths and convolutions to keep it covered). The day arrived and I showed the artist my idea. He suggested adding some background to peony - some cherry blossoms, foliage, and decorative elements to give it a Japanese style. That made it much bigger than I had planned - It would be about 4" x 6", which I thought was gigantic at the time! I almost said no because I wanted to keep it small, but it did look much better with the added portions so I said, "Go for it." Part of it was over a bone, and the artist warned me that it might be more painful in that area. I remember staring intensely at the needle as he was ready to make the first line, and I prepared for the feeling of the needle because I wanted to have a vivid memory of the moment that my skin was changed forever. The needle first touched in a soft area, and the pain was not as bad as I expected, and as he worked for the first few minutes, I thought that this was going to be pretty easy. Then he started working over a bone, and OW! The pain was indeed pretty intense there. But except for the flashes of pain over the bone, the experience was not that bad. It took about an hour to complete, maybe longer, but I'm really not sure how long it took because I was concentrating so much on what the artist was doing. This was going to be my only tattoo and I saw it as a pretty important life event, so I wanted to mentally absorb every aspect of the experience. About halfway through the session, even the pain over the bone started to melt away, and I started to feel a little euphoric, and I was almost enjoying the feeling. As I watched him add the color, the tattoo began to take a recognizable form, and I started to realize that it was very beautiful - even more so than I had ever imagined. I was glad that we made it bigger than I originally planned. It started to hit me - "It's part of me. I'm tattooed, There's no turning back." I was so glad I had decided to get it - I was almost giddy. When he finished I looked in the mirror, and I was nearly speechless. I remember saying "Oh Wow...Oh Wow! Its so beautiful!" over and over. I loved it, and I was so proud of myself! Afterwards we went to a restaurant and and as we ate, I was floating. I was just babbling on and on about how much I loved it, how happy I was that I decided to get it, and how glad I was that he had suggested it, and how pretty it was, and how realistic it looked, and how the pain really wasn't that bad, and how I liked the colors, and how I wondered how the girls at the gym would react, and on, and on, and on... finally when I ran out of breath and words, I blurted out, "I want to get another one!" That was how I got started! At the beginning of that day I thought I was getting my first and only tattoo. I could have never imagined that I would someday have half sleeves and several tattoos. I'm at eight and counting, and have big plans for much more coverage.

As I said earlier in this thread, it was at my husband's request that I got my first tattoo that led to me getting many more on my own. He absolutely loves my tattoos and finds them extremely attractive, and has always been attracted to tattooed women. After I got my first one, he told me that after we met and fell in love, the only thing he wanted to change about me was that he wished I had tattoos! Haha! he got his wish, and then some! He is super supportive and is always asking about my tattoo plans, making suggestions, and good naturedly prodding me to get more (although I think he now knows I'm hooked, and he doesn't have to ask!) Sometimes I wonder if he stopped getting his own tattoos because I started getting mine? Perhaps once I got tattoos it satisfied some sort of need in him that he previously satisfied by getting his own ink? Dieselkat - Since your husband is attracted to tattooed women, do you think that your being tattooed figured into his initial attraction to you?

Beez, your post could have been written by me - I feel almost exactly the same way! Once I got past hubby's request that I get a tattoo and got my first one, I started to become almost obsessed with tattoos. I researched them, learned about their history, and constantly sought out for pictures of them. It was like I had jumped off of a cliff - I was in a free-fall. Like you, I love looking at my own tattoos - I don't think it is weird to admit (at least to folks who understand!). It has been years since I first got tattooed, but at least once a week when I'm getting dressed or showering, I look in the mirror and say "Wow!" I think my tattoos are beautiful, and I love them. I marvel that my bare skin is no longer visible, has been transformed in to something colorful. I remember the day I started my first half-sleeve, I looked in the mirror and thought "This is the last day my arm will look like this." It sort of gave me goose bumps. I really like that I have made my body the way I want it (well, with my first tattoo, I actually made my body the way my husband wanted it, but I then took over the driver's seat and stomped on the gas). I also realized that I found his tattoos very attractive - something that I had sort of been denial about before he nudged me into the tattoo world. I think that when I first saw his tattoos, they sort of subconciously cemented his physical attraction to me. I'm really sad that he decided to stop getting them. Like you I notice tattoos immediately. I find my self looking at untattooed people and thinking thinks like, "Wow, she would look beautiful with a half-sleeve." I really think that a lot of people - particularly women - look incomplete without tattoos! I really like your scene about "the big reveal!" That would be delicious! Since I'm married, that is not really going to happen with me like that, but we do play a little reveal "game" sometimes. We might be out at a nice restaurant and I might make some movement that exposes part of one of my sleeves, and he will say, "Oh my, I see you are tattooed." And I will say something like "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am...quite extensively, actually." and he will say, "Well, so am I." I say, "Oh really? I'd love to see." And he will say "And I'd love to see yours too." And on and on and we have a lot of fun with it, and sometimes it leads to...ahem...interesting things! I'm really hoping I can convince my husband to restart getting tattooed. I'd love to see him get at least half sleeves so we could share the experience both ways as I continue on my tattoo projects.

HettyKet - Although my husband has tattoos, he has stopped getting them, and probably won't get any more. His are easily hidden even in short sleeves, since they are on his upper arms and shoulders, and he doesn't choose to display them in public. Because I have half sleeves, mine are more public, and to most viewers I am the tattooed one, and people assume that he is not. I kinda like that, because like HettyKet, I like that getting tattoos is "my thing," and that is probably what others assume when they see us. I think he likes it too, being "the guy with the tattooed wife," and by the same token, I like being "the tattooed wife." I also like that in spite of my initial disinterest and reluctance, I eventually took over the tattoo leadership in our relationship, and he dropped out. - - - Updated - - - I think if you have extensive coverage, an understanding of the culture by your partner is a "must." As you move toward becoming heavily tattooed, it can seem easy - you get one, get another, get a quarter sleeve, extend it to half, well, gotta balance it with something on the other arm, etc. Before you know it, you are heavily tattooed. But I think it is easy for us to loose track of how that is perceived by others. I mean, getting half of your body covered in ink, with all of the requisite pain, and possible negative public reaction can be really hard for the average person to get their arms around - it is kind of mind boggling. So having a partner that understands why a person would want to do such a thing is important. Even though an untattooed partner can come to accept your tattoo passion, I really think that he/she has to have experienced the urge and felt the needle several times to truly understand your motivation.

When I met my husband, he had just a couple of tattoos but planned to get much more work, while I was untattooed and planned to stay that way. We were both fine with that situation, and it didn't figure into our attraction for each other. A few years after we married he confided to me that although he was still fine with my lack of ink, he did find tattooed women to be very attractive, and sort of sheepishly and politely asked if I would consider getting one. This was not something I wanted to hear, but I love him, so I asked him to tell me more. He said that he always found tattooed women to be extremely attractive, and sexy. I could see that it was something he really wanted. I asked him what what he would like for me to get and where, and he said he'd like something feminine wrapping around my upper arm, sort or of a quarter sleeve. I really had no interest in getting a tattoo, certainly nothing that large, and especially not in such a visible location. But we discussed it. I heard his desire, and he listened to my objections. I understood that he would find a tattoo on me to be attractive, and he understood that I was very, very reluctant. He said he would accept a "no" if that is how I felt. But I told him that I would think about it. I gave it a lot of thought and decided I wanted to please him if I could. I examined my tattoo objections, and realized that it was the visibility that bothered me. After a lot of thought I decided that I would be willing to step out of my comfort zone and get a tattoo, but in a “non-public” location. We compromised, and I got a a tattoo on the front of my hip where it would not be seen even if I was in my normal one-piece bathing suit. It made him very happy, and I was happy to be able to please him. Most importantly, it was MY decision and I did not feel forcibly coerced into the tattoo. And just to show you how things can go unexpectedly: He soon extended his tattoos slightly into fairly modest shoulder/sleeve caps, and surprisingly decided that he was finished, and didn't want any more tattoos. For me, it turned out that I loved my tattoo – so much so, that I now have eight, with no further prodding from my husband, including two including two half sleeves! In the end, hubby got the arm tattoo on me that he originally wanted, and much, much more! I am now planning a full back piece, and I'm sure I will get more after that. And now I'm pestering him to get more ink, because I think it is pretty attractive on him too! I think that now if, heaven forbid, something were to happen to my husband, and I were to settle down with someone new, he would have to be tattooed. It is big part of my existence now, and I have come to find tattooed men to be very attractive. I don't think an uninked man could truly understand or appreciate me now.