anonymous_monkey

How do you not see that explaining it like that is actually what would have been helpful in the first place? Even just saying how you did go through that and your feelings. It's called validation, as soon as you feel like your feelings are acknowledged about a situation, it can help you calm down. idk if that makes it worse, since you know what it feels like and decided to take another route? This isnt about playing the victim, it's just there are SO many ways to help someone feel better about something like this. I DID take responsibility in my first post, like I keep repeating. I listed EVERYTHING I should have done, saying i KNOW that. How is that not taking responsibility? I was never ignoring where I went wrong. Saying what I didn;t like doesnt mean I'm blaming the artist either, it just means I'm pointing out what I dont like and how wrong everything went. Okay, and that's it's a good way to say it. So why not say it like that in the first place, say it nicely to someone? Just validate that yeah, there are artists out there who wont make me feel that way? You did not say that at all, instead you framed it like I'm stupid for not realising this could happen. That point didnt come out when you're too busy making me feel like an idiot for not being able to be assertive in that moment. Assuring me that there are artists out there who would be able to actually manipulate elements and come up with something is much more helpful and comforting. In that moment with this artist, I was made to feel like that wasn't possible. it's not about coddling or not being a victim. Thinikng someone shouldnt be a "victim" isnt an excuse to make them feel stupid.

Seriously stop saying that! you’re just saying things I already said. That’s not what I asked about. I'm not saying it's an attack, but I am saying it's extremely insensitive and unhelpful. What I'm saying is there's no need to keep hammering this part home, when I also had actual questions in the post. I was never asking what I “should” have done, I clearly KNOW what I should have done, because I SAID it. But it wasn’t as simple as that in the moment. I explained how it happened and how I didnt think to leave, because I wanted to trust her. If you can't understand how that happened in the moment, please just leave me alone. Because it happened. All of this I know for next time, but I was never asking you what to do for next time, I already know all that, I said it straight up in the post. I posted wondering if anyone else has ever felt pushed like that, or wasnt able to be assertive, or you don't think it's weird an artist would just straight copy something I didn't even ask for, but clearly you are all fine. Good for you if you’re all the kind of people who were more prepared to walk away your first time, I don’t know how I F***ing wasn’t able to, and can’t stop beating myself up about such an expensive (and soon painful) mistake and needed to vent about it. And now I just want this post F***ing deleted but they wont let me, because you’re not getting the point and making me feel worse.

AND I SAID THAT IN MY FIRST POST. You can validate that part without telling me like I'm stupid. I know it's my F***ing body, I already said that. I just thought if I said I didn't like something, she would make suggestions as she's the artist. Even though now I can think of SO many other ways he could have been contained in something (like a triangle because it suits the game, or a music staff with the ocarina notes, or a ribbon. There are so many F***ing ways). I wish I could have gone away and thought about it. Instead I felt a bit pushed to go with it. I really wish I said I more, but I didn't anticipate feeling pushed in the moment. Like I was clearly unhappy anything I didn't like something, and instead of offering to change it, just pushed me to go with it. Do they ever say "happy to make adjustments" or just be pushy like that? I wish I was more prepared to just walk out. I'm not saying it's her fault that I agreed, but I just still feel like I went to the wrong artist because she didnt get creative with it. Just copied something existing that I didnt ask for. And she didnt make it her own. I didnt even realise she just straight copied something until later. My references were the exact same scale, why not copy something I actually sent? Not saying it's her fault if that's her style, I just went in with so much trust that she would come up with something. In the moment she made me feel like her way was the only way, but seeing other tattoos that more like what I wanted makes me upset seeing it IS possible. I just wanted to let her come up with something cause I thought she would do a better job than me. I won't ever do that again, I need to make sure I know exactly what I want/draw it myself first and ask what's possible, ask around, instead of going in so blind. Thanks for the heads up. I actually went for a consult for peace of mind for what could be done, it would have to be way too big/dark (2-3x the size) and they said it couldn't really be anything other than flowers. So I'm just going to get laser to lighten it and get something else there down the line, leave that arm for a while. And then try my zelda idea again on my other arm. But go for consults first to be able to chat with the artist, because it's such a custom idea. Instead of going in blind.

Then why be condescending about laser when that was not at all what I was asking in the post.

Those notes I'm explaining in the first post is what's wrong with it after the fact... I DID give only one example of the style I wanted/liked (this) and like I said, she completely ignored that. THESE were the references of the character I gave, saying I liked how he looked in these. Instead, she went and picked a different picture altogether. So that advice is unhelpful because that's what I literally DID. I didnt want to send too many references (because LIKE I SAID) I wanted to let her come up with something. Instead she just ripped something already existing and wasnt even what I sent and cropped it. I actually feel like the takeaway from this is that I SHOULD be more annoyingly specific (or not be afraid to ask for changes/walk out) These I only linked in this post because they are examples of how characters CAN go smaller/less detailed and it's upsetting me. I appreciate the nice words, but I felt like I did i expect that it wouldnt be perfect, that's why I was prepared to trust her. But it's just too many things gone wrong

I'm not stupid. I know it's an expensive mistake. I never imagined I would want to laser my tattoos once I decided I wanted some. It's an extreme resort to feel like this. I'm too upset about it not being what I wanted. I got a mole laser removed on my face and it was horrible, so I feel like I know what I'm in for....

Thanks for your nice words. I know my friends won't see it that way, but if they are enthusiastic about it I just can't fake it. And I dont want to admit it's not what I wanted. I just can't get past why she would pick something else to copy, why not copy one of my refs if she's going to do that? They were all from the manga, it's not like the scale was different. It's so weird

I do still want a tattoo in that spot! When I'm talking about laser route, I wouldn't be looking for it to be completely gone anyway. Just if covering it up has to be too much bigger, I feel like I would have to consider laser... This hasn't scared me off tattoos, I still want a couple more. Just upset with myself that I couldnt be assertive about what I wanted. Getting swept up in the moment is what already happened, it's a really shit way to learn not to do that. But that's something that definitely wont happen again.

I definitely won't be doing anything quickly, just chat to a couple of places to get an idea and let myself go away and think about it. If the cover up would have to go too big, I'm honestly considering laser. I just really don't think I'm the kind of person who can learn to love this. It needed to be what I wanted before it went on. I feel like I went to the wrong artist.

I keep reading about people's anxiety after getting a new tattoo, but I really dont think I have the kind of personality who can learn to love something when it’s so different from what I wanted. I can live with size not being perfect. But I dont think I can for the actual design. It's killing me. I thought I would be excited to show my friends straight away, I can't. I cant own it. I honestly didnt even anticipate this - I always thought I would be happy with what I got, and maybe regret it later (but that feeling would be easier to handle, knowing I got what I wanted at the time, and not want it gone). Not the other way around. But I felt pushed to go with something I don't even like. Going into it I thought i was prepared to be assertive and ask for changes, but in the moment I felt like I should trust her because she's the artist. But it’s my F***ing body, why couldn’t I? She had my deposit, that's what it's for if I didnt like it. This artist specializes in anime tattoos, I thought she could do something in anime style, not just directly rip a reference I didnt even send. I asked for Link with Navi (from Zelda). I sent all from Twilight Princess (official art + manga) but she got a dif pic completely and then just copied it. Why not copy one of the faces in my inspo if you’re going to copy something?? ALL my refs had an angsty expression, and she gave him a cutesty smile. She also put him in a heart, which doesnt feel like me at all. My least favourite bit is that little detail in the bottom. It ruins it for me, like it doesnt need to be there? I know it’s his shoulder, but why? Why not make the heart smaller and just not have that? Feels unnecessary and I wanted something simple. The reason I asked small (5-6cm) was for simplicity. I thought that was leaving room to simplify him, Ive seen so many characters as tattoos that are done in the artist's style to fit a tattoo. Instead she did an exact copy of something existing, but cropped to fit the size being all that fits. Instead of simplifying the lines to make it smaller. In the moment she made me feel like that wasn't possible... I'd also sent her another Zelda tattoo I liked the style of. My notes said I loved that style, esp the eyes. But now that sounds vague? Cause I loved the face shape/size too (the face was def smaller on this person's arm and fit a LOT more of the character) is what I was trying to say. I feel stupid for not knowing what parts I needed to stress were important to me. I also thought that tattoo ref good example of how it’s not directly copying Zelda literally, it’s the artist’s own design BASED off Twilight Princess. But she seemed to completely ignore that I said I liked that style. So many things I didnt know to stress cause it was my first tattoo. But why couldn’t I pull up my refs after seeing her design on the day, to make sure we were really going back to what I asked?? I felt pushed to go with this as the best option, rather than redrawing. But looking at other tattoos I liked now, it’s upsetting me. Thinking I should just go with what she thought was not a good way to make such a permanent decision 😭 I did straight up ask if it could be without the heart. She said he had to be contained in something due to the size I wanted. But why couldnt i ask for a rectangle, or arch? That much was in my head in the moment. Surely something else would work to contain it that wasnt a heart… After that I got too afraid to ask for more changes, the way she justified it felt like she would have reasons for every other decision. I felt she was the expert and should trust her. I'm already booking in a couple of places to ask about coverups, for peace of mind what can be done. Possibly even get a laser consult to ask when that could start after healing. It's stressing me out too much. I hate looking at him, he looks too cutesy/smiley peeking out like that. I’m upset I couldnt express thats what I wanted or let myself think more before saying yes. There are SO many tattoos out there with smaller faces/less detailed lines, and they dont look like they have to be so big they need to be cut off? I dont know if you can tell from the pic, but his face is really wide and takes up a lot of space. I guess I'm wondering how big and dark might this have to go for a cover up? Or is laser the only option? It already takes up quite a big part of my arm for I had in mind for any of my tattoos 😞 The angel cat references I've attached is what I'm wondering if it can be covered up with (it was something else I wanted to get tattooed, although I did want it just outlined and simple/smaller and with a different placement. But I am open to having a shaded cat there if it works 😭 😞 Sorry for such a huge vent. I just don't know where else to talk about this, I'm too afraid to admit to my friends I fucked up. It's not even like me at all, I'm usually so careful about these things. But I was so excited to be getting my first tattoo, I wanted to go ahead with it. I don't know why I felt like I couldnt just get another option drawn somewhere else.