keepcalm

I wanted to share this sad but informative long-form piece from Jezebel called "The Tattoo Industry Is Having Its Own Wrenching, Revelatory 'Me Too' Moment." Personally, I (a woman) have been tattooed by three different men, and all of them were nothing but professional. I cannot imagine the horror and helplessness I would feel if a tattooer decided to sexually assault me while I was being tattooed! Talk about a vulnerable position! On the other side of the coin, it is disgusting to think that some female tattooers have had to put up with sexually suggestive comments/actions/pictures/etc. from clients while attempting to provide them with professional service. I hope no one here has a story like that. It is mentioned in the article as "an old cliché," but I think one of the more dangerous and harmful myths out there about women with tattoos is that we are "sexually available, and that [our] tattoos are there for men's pleasure." I am ready for that twisted belief to die a cold, hard death. Forever.

Thanks for sharing your anecdote, @InkedMumma!

Hi ladies! I was hoping to hear from some of you who've shaved your arms for tattoos. I've never shaved my arms, and I'm worried that the hair (which is currently very soft, fine, and light in color) would grow back different -- coarser, darker, or just different? Any horror stories and/or stories of reassurance? Would any of you recommend waxing instead? Thanks!

I forgot I made this embarrassing post! Thank you all for the encouragement and positive vibes :) I like the idea of trying henna first to see what it might look like. The foot/ankle would be the most all-year-round visible spot I'd have a tattoo, so I am having more than my normal amount of anxiety over placement. Alternatively, I'm also considering the back of my upper left arm (above the elbow) for this piece (a fox head and some patterned bits around it). I'm so terrible with decisions -- especially about tattoo placement. I've been looking at pictures of tattooed people on the internet for weeks now, trying to get a feel for how tattoos look in certain spots on the body. Classic overthinker, right here. Thanks again for the indulgence, guys! You really are the best. - - - Updated - - - Picture! :) And thank you for the encouragement!

So, I have a kind of embarrassing question. I have cankles :( I'm a normal weight; I just have thick ankles. (See first attached photo -- like that.) I'm wondering if putting a tattoo on the top of my foot / front of my ankle would help to distract from the fact that I have cankles, or if would highlight them. (See second photo for placement idea.) I tried to search for photos online, but that's a weird-ass Google search, amirite? I have a feeling that getting the back of my ankle tattooed would do more to distract than putting one on the front, but that seems like a weird place for a tattoo. Surely there are some principles of design that apply here, right? Black is slimming, patterns can help hide a belly, elongating your legs with heels or hemlines of intentional length, yadda yadda. Anyway, I've been thinking of getting the tops of my feet done, and then I started wondering if I should go up the ankle a bit, and then I started wondering how that would affect the way my stupid legs look down there. That is the odd and admittedly very vain train of thought that led to this thread! I feel ridiculous! Thanks in advance to anyone who indulges me! I feel silly posting this, but now that I've typed it all out, might as well, right? ha!

Yes! All of these names are so great! Very excited to have a solid list to show him. You guys are a gorgeous, crystal-lined fountain of perfect information. Thank you!

GUYS! These are all amazing and perfect suggestions. I knew I could count on y'all! Thank you so much! (Keep them coming if you think of others!) And dammit now I might have to get my own tattoo from a UKer.

It's tough for me to articulate as well. I will say, though, some of my favorite tattoos I've seen on women are ones that accentuate their female form with placement/flow/lines/etc. I think tattoos can be one of the coolest ways to be more feminine. Roxx at 2Spirit in SF does this really well with linework.

Thanks, @CultExciter and @abees! Going to Insta-stalk now!

Looking for suggestions for excellent tattooers in the UK -- I know there are many (I've seen many mentions here), but I've never looked into it myself and sadly didn't have the foresight to keep a running list. Black & gray, patterns, and lines. He said he wants something "kinda tribal," but my plan is to present him with a bunch of other awesome work/artists that will hopefully be up his alley but also be a bit more unique than tribal. He's down in Devon/Cornwall but travels often and will happily travel for this. The UK is tiny, after all! (said the American) P.S. Hope this post isn't bad form! I have done some research myself but always find it overwhelming when starting from scratch. Plus - I trust you guys!

Love this thread! Keep the photos coming! Maybe I will be encouraged to venture down my own arm soon :)

Yeah! Can you call my mom and tell her this?! Haha!

This. Thisthisthisthis THIS! This is the feeling I hate.

Thanks for all the support, guys! I'm planning on slowly drafting a letter over the holidays, to send sometime early next year, probably. I'd be happy to share it here, if that would be useful, in case it might help others struggling to find the words to talk to their own loved ones about tattoos...

Thank you so much for the insightful comments, @hogg! Can't believe your parents don't know about your tattoos -- that's impressive! Same for you, @Graeme, with your in-laws! I'm glad my parents know about mine, because I think I would be even more stressed about it if I was constantly having to remember to hide them completely. (Also, I go to the beach with family every so often, so that'd be near-impossible anyway.) In the end, fully understanding my mom's point of view, and giving her a chance to understand mine, seems like the best way to go about this. I haven't made much effort yet because the subject is just so sore, I'd rather avoid it altogether. But a chance to clear the air is really appealing. Here's hoping I have the courage to do that soon, especially since I might be getting my feet tattooed in the new year -- buckle up, mom! ;)

omfg I wish I had asked to see this in person! So intense! Amazing! Congrats!

Thanks, everyone, for your stories! It's good to hear about other people's journeys and how they have dealt with reactions from family. Intellectually, I know this is true, but it's hard to remember when I'm getting an icy cold shoulder from my mom for days at a time. Looking forward to the day when I can chime in that my parents may not like my tattoos, but at least they don't treat them as such a huge, offensive deal anymore. Thanks again, guys - I feel a bit cheered up! :)

I hear you. However, I don't need my mom to approve or appreciate my tattoos, I need her to still be able to treat me like a person who she loves and cares about, even when she finds out I have gotten another tattoo.

Such an interesting comparison! Sorry you're having trouble with your mom, too. It feels pretty crappy to be judged by your parents like this. I wonder if they know that?

I definitely hear this. So sorry for your losses. This is great perspective.

I have an elephant and a lion (and a lady head) all facing in toward my body. Originally I wanted the elephant facing out because of where I was getting it, but my artist convinced me to go the other way instead. I think the elephant specifically would have been fine either way, but now that I have more animals / things with faces on my body, I can say I'm glad they're all facing the same way. It feels right, ha. It's your decision in the end! Talk to your artist and get their opinion, but don't be bullied if you feel strongly about it.

Thanks, everyone, for the thoughtful replies! My family has never been great about expressing our emotions or talking seriously about how we feel, so I am really liking this letter idea! I think I'm gonna try this route. I agree with you guys that a letter would give me the chance to be clear and comprehensive about my thoughts, and it would give my mom time to digest it and construct her own thoughts, which will hopefully lead to a more nuanced response from her instead of just "it makes me sick." It's too late to do it preemptively -- they already know about 90% of my work -- so I think I'll wait til after the new year to send it -- there's no worry they'll see my newest tattoo over the holidays since it'll be cold as hell and I'll be all covered up! Thank you all for the awesome insights and advice, as always!

@Cork, that is great advice - thank you! I'm pretty sure my mom's feelings are similar to your mom's -- she's ashamed of what people will think of her for raising a tattooed daughter. It's a generational problem, at least partly.

I agree with you, but sadly, I'm not sure my mom feels the same way :/ Thanks, dude! :) I totally agree! I'm not sure my mom is capable of adopting this perspective, but it's only fair to give her a chance. I should tell her that it hurts me when she treats me that way. Though she'll probably just respond with, "Well, it hurts me when you get tattoos." facepalm. - - - Updated - - - Thanks for sharing your experience, @bongsau! It's a nice story, with a mostly happy ending! I hope that in a few years, I'll be able to say my parents have come around, too :) Thanks for the encouragement! I think I need to have a similar come-to-jesus talk with my mom. I REALLY hope she can start to see past my tattoos and start to focus on just having a good relationship with me instead. My personality hasn't changed, after all!

Hey all, I'm pretty sure this topic has been discussed to death around here, but I'm hoping this thread can maybe focus on some helpful, active solutions for a problem I just can't seem to get over. I'm sure other people have encountered this, too. (P.S. -- there's a "too long; didn't read" summary at the end!) I'm 29 and have been living a life independent of my parents since I graduated college 7 years ago (read: I'm my own person; I do what I want.), but I can't shake the insecurity I feel because of my family's perceptions of my tattoos, and tattoos in general. My mom ABHORS my tattoos (she gives me the silent treatment for a few days each time she finds out about a new one, when I am visiting them), and I swear it seems to physically affect her. She has said as much: "It makes me sick." In these moments, it feels like she hates me, and I have to endure a few days of THICK tension on what should be a nice and enjoyable visit with my folks. I doubt my dad is thrilled about them, but he acts like a normal person, treats me the same, and has even expressed a tiny bit of interest in a few ("Oh, that is a cool design."). I am close with my extended family, and though I'm not the only one of us to have tattoos (some of my cousins have a few, too), the general consensus among my aunts, uncles, and grandparents is that tattoos are kind of trashy, and we're all just kinda going to pretend like the ones my cousins and I have don't exist. Because of all of this, I feel uncomfortable showing my tattoos around my family, and this has leaked over into my decisions on what tattoos to get and where to put them. But I'm tired of it! I want to get what I want to get, and put it wherever I want it, and not feel guilty or ashamed of it! I'm especially upset by my mom's reactions. We have a perfectly acceptable mother-daughter relationship -- except when the topic of tattoos comes up. I am tired of my personal decisions affecting my relationships with family, but maybe that's something I just have to accept if I want to continue getting tattooed? TL;DR: What can I do to "get over" this insecurity? Should I talk to my family? Tell them how I feel? What could I say that would help them understand why I get tattoos? Would it make a difference?