I’ve been healing tattoos for more than 15 years with just a little coco butter. I think most problems come from using too much. Better too little than too much. I never had an issue with detergent.
That is rough. Don’t let whoever did that near you again. You don’t need fancy or special creams, just use plain cocoa butter. Not too much, just enough to keep it from drying out. Too little is better than too much.
I’d skip the “deep, meaningful that represents blah, blah, blah” part. Just pick a cool image that you both like. Dragon, tiger, panther, ying/yang, skull, etc.
Don’t mess with a good tattoo. Whoever told you that you could “remove” parts of a tattoo was being extremely optimistic. You have a better chance of ruining it than improving it.
Leave dates of birth and script to the tourists.
Holy shit, that’s rough.
As bad as it is though, all of my friends who were blindsided (myself included), were much happier after the dust settled and we had the distance to reflect back on what we’d been through.