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Blog Entries posted by MsRad
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i feel a little weird asking this, but has anyone ever worked for Sailor Jerry Clothing? opinions on tattoo clothing brands aside, i'm looking for personal experiences if anyone has them. i'm not going to say anything more because i don't want to jinx myself. thank you kindly in advance!
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i got an email letting me know that i had a new friend request on here and decided to log on. i guess it's time to update everyone with what's going on in my life. i'm good a lists and there's a lot of stuff going on so here goes:
-i left the nursery. i loved working with kittens, but for reason i do not wish to discuss, it was not a healthy place for me to be. i have a new job now as a legal assistant. i kind of like it, but it's crazy sometimes.
-my mom has invasive breast cancer. that's probably the biggest thing that's going on right now. it was caught early, but we've already been through two surgeries, and she began chemo last week. it's only once a month, but it lasts until august, and then radiation follows afterwards. her odds are good, but it's going to be a long year.
-school is going great. i am taking an environmental management class this semester, and i'm signed up to take a class on bat ecology and conservation this summer, where i will be netting bats, and recording data about them. i have to get my rabies vaccine soon, which i'm a little nervous about. it's also really expensive ($700) so no tattoos for a while. i'm also volunteering at a wildlife rehabilitation center once a week.
-Jackson and i moved in together. it's really nice to have him here at the house, but our schedules are completely the opposite. i see him for about 20 minutes each day while awake, unless it's an evening we both have off. that kind of sucks.
that's about it. i guess i've just been feeling like i need some time to myself to be able to get through all of this sanely. i feel bad and i know i've let some people down in ways that i never intended too by not finishing things i started. life has been really overwhelming for me over the last 8 months and i keep trying to get back on track, but i'm having a hard time doing so. i just needed to get away for a while.
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in less than a month my life is basically starting over.
i will be starting a brand-new job, where i will be looking after 12 litters of neo-natal (under 8 weeks old) kittens. 10 days after my first day of work, i will also begin my first semester of school in 3 years, hopefully on my way to earn a second bachelor's degree, this time in conservation biology. i stopped on the path i was on, took a moment to look around, realized that i didn't like where i was headed, and decided to go off of it and in an entirely new direction. i'll be getting paid less (it's an entry level job), and between the job and school, i won't have a lot of time to go to shows or travel, and probably not a lot of money to get tattooed, but in the end, i think it will be worth it.
not sure if i'm going to head out to new zealand or not. i really need to think about it more (and luckily i have time to), and what my end goal is (particularly, do i want to study avian or mamalian species). we'll see what the next 6 months hold.
i still want to write about California tattoo history, but i do not wish to do so in the realm of "academia". i want to write it as part of this community, for this community, and i want those who are interested in knowing about it to have access to it, without broadcasting it to those who would potentially exploit it. from the beginning, Lochland suggested a blog series on here, and i think he might be write, that this might be the best place for it to start. those who might be interested should be on the lookout for a general introduction in the next couple of weeks. this week, i'm caught up in trying to get Scott's new portfolio book out for the next convention he's attending.
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New Zealand?
By MsRad,
anyone have any opinions on traveling or living there? more specifically, the North Island and Wellington?
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so, i rescued another bird today at work (the second bird rescue made while at work, and the third bird rescue over the last year and a half), and now my co-workers are calling me the bird whisper. i suppose that's fitting given my name.
so, one co-worker suggested i become an avarian veterinarian. maybe that's what i should become, and the bird is a sign of this?
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it's a weird feeling.
my grandmother just had heart valve replacement surgery, and luckily she is doing just fine, but i had to ask if my dad's girlfriend was going to be at my grandparent's house. it was a hard question to text (we hardly speak on the phone anymore).
it's an awkward place to be. as a grown single child, i have been the sole witness to my parents, and i am now the point between two, very separated families. i feel torn in my own way, conflicted by my own personal thoughts and opinions, and the bonds and experiences shared throughout my lifetime with those who i am quite literally connected to, even at the times where i don't feel that connection as strongly.
i have many friends who have parents who are divorced. some are "only" children, like me. but i'm the only one i know of who has been an adult and has had to experience this. in some ways, it's a blessing. i'm old enough to not feel the blame and pressure that i might have felt as a young child, and i know better than to blame the situation on myself. but at the same time, it's hard to witness the two people who are my closest relatives and the largest form of support in my life (sometimes for better, and sometimes for worst), be torn apart. there is a loss. and there are many feelings that i have been forced to face over the last year that have not been easy to digest.
when contemplating this today, &Serenading by Mineral came to mind (how emo of me, i know), and more specifically, the first verse in particular:
will you come?
and what will i say?
"oh, i have been so distant,
and unhappy."
like i,
could disappear.
there's no escaping this reality, and i can't disappear, even if i wanted to. but, it is still a weird feeling, one that i'm still trying to figure out how to soothe. time is the best bandage that i have right now, but it's also the slowest one.
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i hate my job.
By MsRad,
taking on Scott's advice, i thought i'd post a blog on a site that none of my co-workers will come across, and that is something i need to get off my chest:
i hate my job.
there, i said it. i hate my job. i don't hate my co-workers, i don't hate working in a museum, i don't even hate our museum, despite it's ever growing list of disfunctions. i just hate my job. i absolutely hate it.
i hate that i am constantly stressed out while i am at work. i hate that i have to deal with others who do not treat me like a person, but like a machine (outside from our museum). i hate that i am one person stuck with the tasks that could easily form 3 full time jobs. i hate that i have never been reviewed, never even heard the word "raise" in the 3 years i have been here, that i work full time but receive part time benefits, and that i do not have the opportunity to move up to a different position, even when i have been more than qualified (and have applied) to do so. i hate that i wake up in the morning with a churning feeling in my gut, wondering who is going to be upset with me today since i couldn't make their deadline because of the work load i have, and feeling just as stressed out as i do at the end of the day, and my day hasn't even begun. i hate this job.
so, i feel that it is time to look for a new job, potentially a career change even. i feel terrified going off the only beaten path that i have known for the last 4 years of my life (and at 25, that's a large chunk of my life). i have always been the person to have a plan, and i am finally at a junction where i simply do not have one. i don't know what the next move should be. for the first time in my life, i do not know which direction to take. i feel lost.
lately, all i can day dream about is making art (and no this is not leading into a paragraph of how i want to become a tattoo artist). i keep seeing photos, lino and woodblock cuts, photographic quilts, illustrations, paintings, and other various things in my head, but lacking the energy or the time to complete them. i'm also taking on a baking internship (one day a week, on my weekend), and have been offered a job as a paid baking apprentice, working with my roommate Davey.... once he opens up his bakery (which is sort of in the works but i have no idea how far off, and there's no way i could afford my bills on a job less than what i get paid now). i keep thinking, if could build a website or etsy store, and get my momentum going, then maybe i'd have enough to supplement my income, but by the end of the day, i'm so exhausted, none of this seems to come to fruition. and then i feel frustrated, at myself, at my job, at my life. this, obviously, doesn't help.
so i guess i'm writing this hoping that maybe i can get some advice, or at least a fire under my ass, to get me moving in the right direction. i by no means think i have it bad. i have a roof over my head, and food to eat, good friends and family, an amazing partner, and projects and organizations that i volunteer with (i'm trying to cut back, but these things actually make me feel productive). i just feel that i'm in a rut with work, and i need some help getting out. any ideas?
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here are pictures of THE dress and my outfit that i wore to celebrate 2 years with Jackson.
here's the dress alone:
here's the outfit:
and here's me with a ridiculous grin on my face:
Gather's prix fixe menu was AMAZING! i'll post more about it in the forums.
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not a week goes by where your influence, your mentorship, or your lessons do not come up in my life and in my mind. i can't believe it's been a year already. photography just hasn't been the same.
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dressed up as Jackson because he can't make it!
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alright, alright, i know i might get some slack for this, but at this point i'm feeling kind of desperate.
so ladies (or men who are knowledgeable on women's fashion), have any suggestions on where to find a cute dress?
nye is the 2 year dating anniversary (yes, we're 16) for Jackson and i. i know it's not a huge deal, but it's an excuse for us to celebrate, go on an actual date (we have really different schedules, so our dates tend to be cuddling and watching a movie at 10pm), and enjoy some quality time together. i'm hoping to find something with a retro flare, under $75, and something that i'll want to wear again. so far, all of the choices i've made have either not fit me, or the site(s) i've found the dress on did not have my size in stock.
any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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i've been a song lyric fanatic for years. if a song has good lyrics, but the music's just meh, i'll still love it for the lyrics. here's a list of what i hope to get done so far:
- "times are hard it's true. i'll cope" - GB of course
- "be open hearted!"- GB
- "we all know, that soul is hard to find" - Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros
- "hearing that noise was my first ever feeling" - the Clash
- "i'm not down!"- the Clash
- "as in heaven, as in hell" - the Clash
- "just look to the clouds, and you shall see. always changing. forever moving on."-Bane
- "wave the ocean, wave the sea"- Lucero
- "my tears don't matter much"- Lucero
-"that much further west"- Lucero
- "keep me searching" - niel young
- "you were only waiting for this moment to arise" -the Beattles
- "our band could be your life" - the Minutemen (seriously tearing up thinking about this song haha)
- "rise above" Black Flag (of course), this i want across the top of my shoulders.
- "the sound of revolution" or "the sound of revolution now is in your heart"- Warzone (can't decide, but love that song!)
- "at the moment there's nothing, so there's nothing to lose" - the Jam
- "just like the river, i've been running eversince"- Jimmy Cliff
- "wish you were here" - Pink Floyd
- "roll me over and let me go. running free with the buffalo" -Thin Lizzy
- "words. you're married to your pain." -Sunny Day Real Estate
- "how it feels, to be something on " - Sunny Day Real Estate
i'm going to stop for now but i'm sure there will be a part two. i always forget them, then hear the song, then remember them. i want to work on a series of paintings based on various lyrics (some that i would not get tattooed on me personally, but i feel that they could be tattoos). we'll see when this happens.
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put your braces together and your boots on your feet!
and give me some of that oooooollld mooooon stompin'!
very stoked about tonight. can't wait to cut a rug!
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and this weekend will be busy as hell. so far this week:
- witnessed a meltdown at a curatorial committee meeting
- was rear ended on my way to work (both me and my car are ok, i'll end up with a free, brand new rear axel and bumper)
- overheard another meeting where i was suggested to be THE curator for the bod mod exhibit (we'll see what happens)
- being brought on a non-work related secret project with someone who i admire
- feeling exhausted still from my trip, school, and life in general.
then this weekend:
-homework and pre-party tonight
-sacramento to walk and remember Ques (RIP big bro), then volunteer for days of the dead at work (more death), then homework
- sfo tattoo convention with the Kerseys and then homework in the evening.
come monday, i'm going to fall asleep in my class.
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art art art
By MsRad,
this site makes me want to get back into making art hardcore. i need a push to stop being lazy (and to clean/finish unpacking/organize my room) and to start actually making a game plan to do things again, so i'm hoping this blog post will do that. i have a few ideas already in the works, and i'm going to lay them all out here so i do not forget (and maybe someone will push me forward):
- (work in progress) a series of portraits of people who have inspired me (family, artists, theorists, historians, etc.)
- a series of paintings based on song lyrics
- a series of photographic portraits of tattooed Native Americans here in California
- possibly a photographic portrait series of tattoo artists (this may be cliche and overdone so i'll need to research this beforehand)
- photographing the former sites of tattoo history here in California (Northern California to start)
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- saving a bird who hit a window
- getting hugged by a schizophrenic, homeless dude
- getting tattooed twice in one day (thanks Mario and Nick!)
- having the best vegan ruben (earwax was awesome!)
- seeing articles of faith and less than jake twice, both in a club that only held 150 people
- eating a snack two seats away from keith morris at skewerz
- seeing john josephs just chillin’ against a benz
- watching a two year old demand to get tattooed
- meeting El Brad who is my dead uncle’s doppleganger circa 1965
- experiencing a ton of amazing art
- meeting old schoolers of hardcore from chicago/memphis and hanging out with them almost everynight
- getting punched in the face by a racist asshole during Zero Boys (i’m ok, it was a bad shot)
- talking to Daryl from snapcase after their set and confirming that they are not doing a reunion tour (bummer)
- going to multiple shows every night and just not giving a fuck.
it was an awesome trip. a huge thanks to Nick and Mario, and the rest of Chicago Tattoo Co. for letting me chill and doing great work. i sincerely felt welcomed and i'm happy i'll be seeing you guys in SF next weekend.
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