MsRad

this is sort of getting off topic of post secret, but in a way, i suppose it's not. this is also going to be an extremely personal forum post (might should actually be a blog post), but here goes. post secret is an extremely, EXTREMELY important project dealing with the human condition and suicide prevention. most of you don't know me in real life on here, and most who do know me, don't know this about me, but i have struggled with anxiety, depression, and ultimately suicidal thoughts since i was a kid. at 8, i first began to understand the concept of committing suicide, and by the age of 10, i had already attempted it. sob story, whatever. point being that up until college, i was extremely embarrassed and confused about why i had these thoughts, and why i couldn't really control them. i felt lost and alone. everyone else seemed happy, why couldn't i? i dreamed of just being content with myself, just once, and to be able to live with the thought on a daily basis that i was ok. that as i am, i am enough to be ok with. i didn't think it would ever happen. then in '05, two things happened. i got my first tattoo, and i discovered post secret. i started to feel like my body was an investment, and that as shitty as it was that i kept having these thoughts, that my mind was part of my body, and that i could at least choose what i do with those thoughts. getting tattooed was, and still is, the biggest relief in a physically positive way for myself. it was a release, a way to alter myself, but also change myself in the way i wanted to change, to see myself change. post secret, on the other hand, allowed me to realize that i wasn't alone in my thoughts. that A LOT of other people were the same as me. and so, while i was changing on the outside, and beginning to not appear to be "normal", on the inside, post secret allowed me to realize that i was "normal" on the inside. that there are a lot of other people out there who are scared to talk about these thoughts and feelings, but that doesn't mean that they don't have them, and that they don't feel the same way. we just go about our daily lives in a way where these conversations never come up, and really, they need to. fast forward to february of 2009, and a good friend of mine, actually more like an older brother for most of my time through college, followed through with those thoughts. it was the first time someone i knew, someone i knew but didn't know was having the same thoughts as me, had actually died. that stopped me dead in my tracks, and it made me realize two things: 1) i will no longer keep silent on this topic, and 2)that i needed to invest in my mind just as i had in my body. i began seeking out different approaches to dealing with my mind, and finally, this last summer, found the right one. i can gladly say, that even with all the trials and tribulations that have occurred during the last year (my parents getting divorced, work being stressful as hell, etc., etc.), this last year has been the happiest year of my life. i guess if anything good could come out of a tragedy such as Marques' death, at least it made those around him more aware of their own lives, and just how (to sound cliche) really precious every living moment is. not openly talking about suicide and suicide prevention, due to the social stigmas attached to it, is actually cheating people out of their lives, and i refuse to do it. to bring it back to tattoos, if anyone on here ever sees me without shoes on or wearing flats (both are rarities), you'll see that i have two roses that are unfinished, with the words "never forget" on my feet. that tattoo started out as a pun on words ("don't forget your roots"), but the day i received the phone call about Que's passing, i was supposed to get them filled in. now they've become a reminder to never forget Ques and i'm not sure if i'll ever get them finished.

both of those posts just made my night. priceless.

my back is almost constantly itchy. rather than give me back rubs, i ask Jackson to scratch my back at the end of a long, hard day. i'm hoping that the actual tattoo will be more like getting a giant, long, hardcore back scratch, so i'm kind of looking forward to it. it's the healing that i'm dreading, and the possibility of getting my ass tattooed along with it :(

Alanna, you should see if Jon is coming to Toronto anytime soon. He's a nice dude and would probably love to hear that you were inspired by his book!

different person Jake.

D, do you mean objects from Jursassic park, or creatures from Jurassic Park? i mean i think it's pretty obvious that the winner of that category is clearly the Velociraptor.

bed sheets are my greatest fear about getting my back piece eventually. i'll just sleep on plastic sheets. and i can imagine that area where the nose is to be extremely painful. all that sensitive soft tissue! and for me it would hurt AND tickle, which is the worst behind skin over boney areas that make your teeth chatter (anyone else experience this?)

apparently Seth Wood is guest spotting at Saved this weekend...

ugh, that looks so uncomfortable. all the plastic wrap.

btw, Alana, what did you get done by Nick?? you should post picks of it up in the new work thread!

i always count (quietly i should add) and pay in front of the artist (including tip), unless i'm told to go pay at the counter. then i'll pay, and then tip the artist directly (like i would for a haircut). i don't know if that's embarrassing, but at least then, they know i'm not jipping them of dough, and i know that i'm not accidentally spending more than i can afford. i aslo always say what i'm tipping, because they should know that they did a damn fine job, and that their customers appreciate all the work and effort that goes into the finished product, as well as their craft. sorry if that's also embarrassing, but that's how i feel. oh and i almost did the same thing to Lizzie! we had such a great time talking, that i totally didn't even think about payment, and luckily she stopped me! i felt embarassed, but it was purely an accident! we sort of joked about it after it happened, and i think it was pretty clear i was just being a doofus and excited to have met a really awesome person. afterall, we're only human, artists and customers alike. sometimes we do mindless shit on accident, but it's truly an accident. you realize your mistake, make it right, and then remember it from there on out.

almost always 20%, sometimes 25%.

pandora's box has just been opened.

those instructions aren't even going to get you into art school these days. unless you want to go to a commercial school (like the Art Institutes of America) or a portfolio school (which are not accredited). it usually takes at least 2 hours to put together a good portfolio, but when i was applying for art school in '03, it took me at least a few days to get everything together how i wanted it, and i had thought about it for at least a few months in advance.

BlaneC, that's pretty bad.

oh and i'll let Tim tattoo something traditional on me anyday. i'm sure a lot of other people on here feel the same. i'm not into the portraits, but traditional/traditonal styled stuff... well we all know that's a different story.

is there music in the background of this video or am i crazy?

Frankie, have you gone and talked to any of the shops in your area? what made you decide you want to become a tattoo artist? also, no offense, but I'm not sure that this is going to be the place that you get the advice you're trying to find. i could be wrong, and since i'm not an artist, i'll let the artists speak for themselves, but from my observations and the discussions i've had with artists who have been in the business for quite some time, this is not the time to get into tattooing, and very few hand outs are given to those who show interest(and understandably so). again, i could be wrong, so hopefully others will chime in.

interestingly enough, i went to college with a kid who could've been Tim's doppleganger. He painted as well as Tim tattoos, also surfed and skated, and was really into low-rider/custom car culture, especially pinstriping and lettering, due to his father and brother. i can't, for the life of me, remember his name but his work was always amazing, and i would spend most of the class period thinking "man, that kid looks just like Tim Hendricks!"

haha! of course Iwar! i'd love to help you out around Oakland. just let me know what's going on once you get everything settled.

i aslo apparently need to learn how to proof read. jesus.

it's not my friend's hands, he just saw it and posted it. sorry Erica.