The ladies thread

[Pugilist]

Man, it's been a while since I have been harassed for being a tattooed woman, I think luckily because I live in a very heavily tattooed neighborhood that also happens to be really gay. But I feel you ladies, and have dealt with a lot of unsolicited touching in my time. It is appalling and shitty how creepy dudes will use any excuse to feel like they have the right to comment on and touch women's bodies.

[El Dolmago]

I've had unwanted attention over the years - though not recently living in Toronto as it's a big city with a lot of tattoos. When I lived in the interior of BC I got a lot more unwanted attention. But with my new arm piece I'm expecting for the grabbing to restart.

On a related issue I'm working at a big (2000 guests) academic conference here in the city next month and have to wear a conference T-Shirt (ick), which of course means cardigan and long sleeve shirt while I'm on the desk. Though many of the academics there will be awesome I know there are always the silverbacks that I don't want judging me and my CV by the ink I've chosen (and LOVE). Been a long time since I've had to think about covering from a uniform. My students did get to see my (healing) ink last week as it was just too hot during their exam and I took my cardigan off because I was dying. Luckily reviews are already in and I don't care :). I did get to sneak in a tutorial about tattooing in WWI and WWII - now they know why!

[beez]

Man' date=' it's been a while since I have been harassed for being a tattooed woman, I think luckily because I live in a very heavily tattooed neighborhood that also happens to be really gay. But I feel you ladies, and have dealt with a lot of unsolicited touching in my time. It is appalling and shitty how creepy dudes will use any excuse to feel like they have the right to comment on and touch women's bodies.[/quote']

I also live in a heavily tattooed, very gay neighborhood! Haha I bet if we took roll call there are more than a few of us in the hip gayborhoods of the big cities. Somehow I've ended up there in every city I've lived in!

- - - Updated - - -

Can I also say - I'm staying at a place I found on air bnb with some very nice old hippies...who started off their day telling me about every single sex party scheduled for this weekend in the Bay Area (I shit you not...this is how my morning started yesterday). That list came about when I mentioned I was going to a party in the mission with a bunch of art and tech people on sat night (tonight) at a friend's place....and they went straight for sex?

They are nice and haven't creeped me out so much that I won't finish my stay there, but the dude keeps telling me about sex parties and body work, and his wife called my friend "a sexy asian boy" to his face several times, asked him to "sit [his] young, tight ass down", and when I thanked them for feeding my friend and I (they're weird but the food is good) she said "well, just *look* at his face. How could I refuse?"

I'm down with all sorts of weird (in fact plan on getting hella weird tonight) but I also maintain strong boundaries and do not predate on hoiseguests (usually ;)). I just like to get to know people a little (and have them know me) before shit gets too weird.

I was telling Junii about all this and threw in some other stories about couples approaching me (this happens often...i absolutely do not give off a swinger vibe but I think being single and female is working against me on this one...) and she pointed and said "it's the tattoos".

So ladies...is it the tattoos? Can we only show off for each other and our friends here on the forum?

And had anyone else had a similar experience being approached by couples and stuff?

Sorry for the long tangent!

[Lance]

I also live in a heavily tattooed, very gay neighborhood! Haha I bet if we took roll call there are more than a few of us in the hip gayborhoods of the big cities. Somehow I've ended up there in every city I've lived in!

- - - Updated - - -

Can I also say - I'm staying at a place I found on air bnb with some very nice old hippies...who started off their day telling me about every single sex party scheduled for this weekend in the Bay Area (I shit you not...this is how my morning started yesterday). That list came about when I mentioned I was going to a party in the mission with a bunch of art and tech people on sat night (tonight) at a friend's place....and they went straight for sex?

They are nice and haven't creeped me out so much that I won't finish my stay there, but the dude keeps telling me about sex parties and body work, and his wife called my friend "a sexy asian boy" to his face several times, asked him to "sit [his] young, tight ass down", and when I thanked them for feeding my friend and I (they're weird but the food is good) she said "well, just *look* at his face. How could I refuse?"

I'm down with all sorts of weird (in fact plan on getting hella weird tonight) but I also maintain strong boundaries and do not predate on hoiseguests (usually ;)). I just like to get to know people a little (and have them know me) before shit gets too weird.

I was telling Junii about all this and threw in some other stories about couples approaching me (this happens often...i absolutely do not give off a swinger vibe but I think being single and female is working against me on this one...) and she pointed and said "it's the tattoos".

So ladies...is it the tattoos? Can we only show off for each other and our friends here on the forum?

And had anyone else had a similar experience being approached by couples and stuff?

Sorry for the long tangent!

I'm a Silver Lake-ster myself. So are you a Capitol Hill Dweller? Or Ballard? I miss Seattle. Better weather.

Public nudity is legal in SF btw. Watch where you're walking. Wouldn't want you to have a heart attack if you wandered into somebody by accident. Ha ha!

A friend of mine was at Union Square once, reading a book while waiting to meet her husband. A guy sat down next to her. It took her a while to look up from her book to realize he was masturbating next to her...

SF is interesting for sure. I love it!

[beez]

So are you a Capitol Hill Dweller? Or Ballard? I miss Seattle. Public nudity is legal in SF btw. Watch where you're walking. Wouldn't want you to have a heart attack if you wandered into somebody by accident. Ha ha! A friend of mine was at Union Square once' date=' reading a book while waiting to meet her husband. A guy sat down next to her. It took her a while to look up from her book to realize he was masturbating next to her...[/quote']

Cap hill! Come say hi if you make it up here!

And for the next time you're in SF I can introduce you to a 50 year old woman who's got a thing for tight asian boy ass, so let me know.

OH! So what JUST happened was I went back to take a shower. Asked if I could use a new towel. He says yes and then also goes into the bathroom to also show me where the castor oil is. This is okay and somewhat contextually relevant bc be had mentioned something about castor oil and for healing tattoos (in the same breath as prostate massage, but who's counting?). I say "oh thanks! I'll look it up and research!" And grab my towel to shower, because we are in a small space. He then goes on to tell me that it's great for cracked nipples, "and you know, I'm talking about exotic nipple play".

Seriously. He went from "here's your towel" to some S&M shit in one breath.

I am no prude!!! I am not bothered by nudity or weirdness!! But after I have repeatedly said "I'm not into sex clubs" and stated my boundaries, when a stranger who is an older man whose house I am staying in, it gets very uncomfortable and violating.

But I guess he was just telling me for in the future when, you know, shit gets heavy and my nipples are cracked and bleeding, so really it's a mitzvah. ???

[polliwog]

I hope you don't have to stay there for much longer. That sounds very uncomfortable, to say the least.

[beez]

I hope you don't have to stay there for much longer. That sounds very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Staying w a friend tonight and then have a new place starting tomorrow!

[polliwog]

Thank goodness.

I know we're all perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, but that is creepy/predatory as hell. Brr.

I feel lucky that the only unsolicited touching I've dealt with so far has been from my curious 3-year-old pal. (She's now taken to wearing temporary tattoos an awful lot...) It's quite sweet.

[beez]

Thank goodness.

I know we're all perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, but that is creepy/predatory as hell. Brr.

Preach it, sister!

[Lance]

And for the next time you're in SF I can introduce you to a 50 year old woman who's got a thing for tight asian boy ass, so let me know.

Oh, um thank you but I think I'll pass this time around. I remember a friend of mine and I, who we both love SF dearly, but at times refer to it as "Never Never Land", where you don't ever have to grow up.

Well, enjoy your time there. And, not judging, if you get convinced into the freaky stuff, don't forget to come up with a "safe word". ;-)

[Zillah]

Asshole behaviour can come from both sexes. We just had a visitor over who looked at my fresh, healing tattoo AND SLAPPED IT. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there... in pain.

[Breakme]

Asshole behaviour can come from both sexes. We just had a visitor over who looked at my fresh, healing tattoo AND SLAPPED IT. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there... in pain.

What?! Who does that?

[Zillah]

What?! Who does that?

My brother's friend's wife was over, it was my niece's first birthday. I was wearing a singlet because my tattoo has been sticking to my t-shirt. She just held her palm above it, then brought down her hand hard. And laughed.

[Breakme]

She sounds like she has issues, or is just massively ignorant!

[SeeSea]

Asshole behaviour can come from both sexes. We just had a visitor over who looked at my fresh, healing tattoo AND SLAPPED IT. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there... in pain.

I would have slapped her back hard in the same place and laughed. Then called her out of she took offense. "Well, I normally don't go around randomly slapping people, especially over and open wound, but if that's what you like, I'm happy to smack you back."

[El Dolmago]

I would have immediately acted like she was diseased and started publicly disinfecting etc ... She did put her filthy hand on your wound after all.

[Pugilist]

What!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gougetheeyes]

Asshole behaviour can come from both sexes. We just had a visitor over who looked at my fresh, healing tattoo AND SLAPPED IT. I was so shocked I just kind of sat there... in pain.

Oh, they were just "setting it" for you! Ancient eastern tattoo trick.. :D

[Zillah]

Oh, they were just "setting it" for you! Ancient eastern tattoo trick.. :D

Haha! I actually thought of you when it happened (because of reading that in the FAQ). Come to think of it, she is Chinese... perhaps she knows a thing or two I don't ;)

[TrixieFaux]

Damn @Zillah... with friends like that who needs enemies!

Also @beez ewwwwww! Older hippy dude gave you castor oil and said "exotic nipple play" all in the confines of a small bathroom???! :eek: There's weird, there's freaky, and then there's just plain gross.

I have lucked out and not had much unwanted attention toward me due to my tattoos. Must some combination of: I'm older now so they are just not interested, I don't tend to go to places where creeps are lurking, I am wearing a wedding ring and often have my kid or husband with me, I live in L.A. where so many of us from many walks of life have tattoos, and/or because I put up a pretty good "stay away from me" vibe when I have to.

[growltiger]

I've mentioned before, we would like to have another baby in the near future. I have an appointment in a month to finish off my thigh tattoo. The lady doing it has very kindly waived the deposit, and told me that so long as I give her a weeks notice I can cancel the appointment if it turns out that I am pregnant. I was upfront with her from the very beginning and she has been lovely about it.

This lead me to wonder WHY this is a rule (it seems pretty much fact that no reputable artist will tattoo a lady who is pregnant or breastfeeding). I was bored at work so turned to google. There seems to be very little hard information on this and an awful lot of conjecture, heresay and utter balls (lady who swears that her son has a swirl shaped birthmark on the back of his neck because she got a swirly tattoo while pregnant - I'm looking at you!)

I thought it might be useful to pull this info together and assess it sensibly, as it is an issue likely to be relevant to a number of ladies. I've also seen a few people panic because they have had a tattoo before they knew they were pregnant, so knowing the real risk might be helpful for them.

So, in rough order of times I came across them, the (non-ridiculous) reasons are:

1) risk of infection. Any infection could potentially harm the baby (this applies to both in utero and breastfeeding babies.). When pregnant your immune system is already compromised, tattoos can heal slower, thus making infection more likely. You are also limited as to treatments you can use for an infection (e.g. some antibiotics can't be taken when pregnant).

2) the effect of ink on unborn babies is not known. Opinion ranges from: it won't affect them at all as it doesn't enter the bloodstream; ink contains mercury/other metal and you will kill your baby/birth a mutant; your baby will be born with a blue spot where the ink has collected.

3) Your body can go into shock whilst being tattooed, which can in turn lead to miscarriage/early labour depending on stage of pregnancy

4) Low blood pressure (common in pregnancy) means you are more likely to faint.

5) Your skin is more likely to heal oddly and/or reject the ink. You are also more likely to bleed more.

Some of these make complete sense (infection, low blood pressure). 2, 3 and 5 sounds plausible, does anyone know any more about them? 3 is the most worrying, but possibly quite an extreme case?

As I said, I struggled to find any actual facts. My general take on it is that the risks are similar as for people who aren't pregnant, just the cost is much greater if things do go wrong. I imagine it is one of those areas where no one really knows, no one wants to take chances, and understandably neither tattooers nor parents-to-be want it on their conscience if something does goes wrong.

Anyway, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Pregnant women become almost public property, the list of things you mustn't do is as long as your (cohesively tattooed) arm, and the facts are often hidden by hysteria. If I must abide by the rules, then at least I'd like to know WHY my fun is being taken away from me :p

Edit to say HOLY CRAP sorry for length. I'm REALLY bored at work today :o

[irezumi]

2 and 3 are what I tell everyone.

Shouldn't need more than 3 to say "I can wait a bit. Not worth the tiny but real chance." Extreme case maybe so, but what tattooer out there wants to be possibly responsible for that?

[TrixieFaux]

Tattooed ladies being put down again...very trendy. I just couldn't stay out of this one...

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[Pugilist]

@growltiger - my rudimentary understanding of pregnancy rules is that 90% of them come from "we don't really know what this would do, so don't do it just in case". My impression is that the ban on tattooing and piercing is the same. It's something that takes a toll on one's body, and the logic is to just not risk it. I think this logic can be used as an excuse to treat pregnant women like delicate porcelain dolls, which is annoying and controlling, but in the case of something so totally optional, like tattoos, I get it.

@TrixieFaux - great response! While I know both men and women get flack and idiotic assumptions put on them for being tattooed, I truly believe that when it comes to this kind of garbage, it is just one iteration of the larger desire to control and judge women's bodies (clearly my theme for this post!), that comes from a misogynistic ethic wherein we are public property and should not have the autonomy to make decisions for ourselves. One of the things I LOVE about being a tattooed woman is the extent to which it is a rejection of that control; I get to do what I want with my goddamn body, you fucking assholes!

[s3rndpt]

Tattooed ladies being put down again...very trendy. I just couldn't stay out of this one...

I had some crazy girl flip out on one of my Pinterest tattoo pins (yes, I know how much this forum hates Pinterest, but whatever, I guess---I always credit the source, and post the artist and the shop when I can find them) and go off about how tattoos are stupid, tattoos are trendy, her husband, who is a 300lb former NFL linebacker (because apparently I care) hates his tattoos and wishes he had never gotten them, blah blah blah. This was completely out of the blue, and not someone I know. Even after being gently reminded that just because she doesn't like them, it does't mean others don't, she wouldn't shut up, or stop posting random things about how much tattoos suck. I finally gave up, called her a bitch (not proud of that, but I was pretty hot at that point) reported her, and blocked her from my page. Checked the next day, and her account was completely deleted, so I'm guessing I'm not the only one she went after. I don't get it---if it doesn't affect you, SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

@growltiger I'm guessing the whole getting tattooed during pregnancy is like the recommendations about sushi and pregnancy. All the numbered reasons you posted are valid, but probably very, very unlikely. Chances are very, very slim it could cause an issue, but no professional is going to take the chance and tell you it's okay (or agree to tattoo you).