Some Self Reflection - this is long

[Brenner]

As a kid I always had low self esteem and no self confidence.

That has carried over into adult hood and it's a constant battle with myself.

When I started getting tattoo's I always kept them hidden. For the first 8 years of my tattooed existence I could cover them all up by wearing a tank top.

No one knew I really had any and always assumed I was the type of person who wouldn't have them. I often enjoyed letting them in on my little secret and watching their face change shapes.

I had always wanted a full arm of tattoos but never could decide on something. I knew it had to have some sort of meaning and it had to encompass who I was. It was going to be my first full view piece. I was so scared of what people would think. What they would say. Would I be treated differently? How would I like myself with a large tattoo showing. Up until this point my tattoos were all hidden from the world.

It was a HUGE deal for me.

I kept envisioning this work of artwork on my arm and wishing for the day I could look in the mirror and gaze at it.

I kept wishing for the courage to say "F you" to the world and just do what I wanted to do with my own body and not care.

I have spent my whole life worrying and caring what other people thought about me. Letting their negativity shape the way I felt about myself.

I came across a Jeff Gouge piece and instantly knew.... that was my reference piece. I finally found the look and feel I was going for.

So I contacted my artist and we started tossing ideas around.

I was sooo scared to take the plunge. October 13th 2012 I sat down in the chair and we chatted and drew out the whole image on my tiny arm. I looked at all the marker lines and smiled. I gave the go ahead and the line work started. I remember that feeling of the first line on my forearm. There was no going back. I was ecstatic.

I remember looking in the mirror after the first line session. I remember thinking that it didn't look right on me. I didn't think I looked like it belonged.

10 months later and we have mostly completed 3/4 of it. We still need to do my inner bicep area and I have decided to continue down to my wrist (we stopped 3/4 originally).

I now look in the mirror and see it as part of who makes me, ME.

I take pride in my artwork and who it has helped me become. I am now much more confident with who I am.

I am not concerned with other peoples thoughts anymore. I did something for me, and me only. I am proud of who I am becoming and how this tattoo has helped it happen.