How do you react to stares??????

[Genie of the West]

last login / post on that forum should not matter... you signed up.

That's a bit extreme. I was just a young confused guy trying to get laid more.

I'm confused too because you seem to be agreeing with me. "Nice guy" shit does not work unless you're extremely good looking. The reason being if you're extremely good looking, anything at all will work. I'm not saying be a douche either. Just be forward and unapologetic. And it's not always your fault man. It's not always that you're too ugly or not confident enough. Maybe the girl is a bitch or is having a bad day that day. I wouldn't sweat it.

I say the same line almost everytime I approach a woman. "Hi my name is ___________. I thought you were attractive and wanted to come talk to you". Usually while shaking/holding their hand or if I'm on the side I'll put my hand on their back/arm and get their attention. Simple, straightforward, and to the point. If they tell me get lost I move on immediately with no time wasted.

How that can be construed as creepy or rapist (this baffles me. that's actually almost offensive for real victims of rape) I really don't understand. But hey if that's what it means to be a creep then I'll gladly wear that label.

For the people that hate me or are insulting me, get in line I guess. Maybe you shouldn't be so uptight because a person thinks or acts differently than you. I'm pretty sure you don't give a fuck if people don't approve of your tattoos so I'm not sure why you would insult others because they don't have a problem touching someone else during human interaction. You guys swear like I said people should walk around touching other peoples private areas and squeezing ass and tits.

[misterJ]

That's a bit extreme. I was just a young confused guy trying to get laid more.

I'm confused too because you seem to be agreeing with me. "Nice guy" shit does not work unless you're extremely good looking. The reason being if you're extremely good looking, anything at all will work. I'm not saying be a douche either. Just be forward and unapologetic. And it's not always your fault man. It's not always that you're too ugly or not confident enough. Maybe the girl is a bitch or is having a bad day that day. I wouldn't sweat it.

I say the same line almost everytime I approach a woman. "Hi my name is ___________. I thought you were attractive and wanted to come talk to you". Usually while shaking/holding their hand or if I'm on the side I'll put my hand on their back/arm and get their attention. Simple, straightforward, and to the point. If they tell me get lost I move on immediately with no time wasted.

How that can be construed as creepy or rapist (this baffles me. that's actually almost offensive for real victims of rape) I really don't understand. But hey if that's what it means to be a creep then I'll gladly wear that label.

For the people that hate me or are insulting me, get in line I guess. Maybe you shouldn't be so uptight because a person thinks or acts differently than you. I'm pretty sure you don't give a fuck if people don't approve of your tattoos so I'm not sure why you would insult others because they don't have a problem touching someone else during human interaction. You guys swear like I said people should walk around touching other peoples private areas and squeezing ass and tits.

I think the rapist comment is extreme, but I also think that was going for humor, but Creepy I agree with. I agree with the statement that physical contact can be a part of natural sexual interaction when flirting, but it must be warranted. I think you are just not acknowledging that people are communicating that touching during interaction with someone new beyond a handshake or pat on the shoulder /back may be unwanted. Especially when women on this site are saying it. (not me, I'm a guy)

I have very little actual boundaries with my friends and loved ones. We are brutal to each other in a way that can only communicate love and understanding. But then take a simple innocent situation with someone out of that zone of comfort and its weird, and I am 6'2 230. Translate that to a woman being groped by some dude. I know those wouldn't be the words you use, but it's not about you in that situation, and that is how they feel.

When I get work done in the shop and the session is over and they parade you around to the other artists and clients to check progress its always verbal comments not people grabbing and rubbing lol.

EDIT: How about another scenario. Tattoos are common place so what else is common? Imagine going up to a black guy (cause Im white) and rubbing his skin while telling him how cool it is. I would get punched so quickly (or a date lol)

[Breakme]

Typically when people lash out at strangers for otherwise harmless actions like a light touch on the back or shoulder, or holding someone's hand as they introduce themselves, it speaks more about their own mental/emotional state.

I just wanted to address what you said above.

I don't like to share too much about my personal life, but I will on this occasion. I suffer from a mental illness, but am a fully functioning person who gets up and goes to work every day, shares a smile and laugh with collegues, lifts weights at the gym, and spends a lot of time with my friends. Not many people know about my mental struggles, and those that do it's only because I have told them. Mentally ill people generally don't look sick (yes there are cases where it's apparent someone isn't well by their actions). When we are ill we don't have a runny nose, or a cough. When I am sick, and when I am well, I still don't like to be touched by strangers.

Mental illness is surprisingly common. It still has a stigma attached to it, and I would bet money on the people who you think are mentally and emotionally stable, that there are a few of them who are sufferers, but you wouldn't pick it. I guess what I'm trying to say, is don't be so casual with flippant remarks regarding the mental health of people. You can't judge how they are doing mentally on whether they lash out at being touched by strangers. That is stupid.

[polliwog]

This might be too political for this site? But here goes. In my opinion/experience, PUA culture is bad news for everybody involved. It looks like you still have some detoxing to do. Try thinking of your interactions with women as something other than transaction-based, to start. You also don't know what a person may have experienced to cause him or her to "lash out" at light touch from a stranger. I wish you luck.

Thanks to everybody on here for helping to keep this a good space for women, by the way...

Because I think we need a picture of something nice right about now, here's a backpiece by Forrest Cavacco that I'm currently drooling over:

Edit: sorry it's so huge...

[TrixieFaux]

And back to the original topic: stares.

Now that I have blue hair & tattoos, I can't be sure what they're staring at...is it my hair, or is it the tattoos, or both? My solution: if it feels like someone is staring, look at them and smile. So far I've gotten several smiles and a couple of compliments back.

There was a group of three I could see out of the corner of my eye who seemed to be watching my every move and watched me go sit down at the beach Sunday. When I finally looked up at them, one of them apologized and said, "We love your tattoo," referring to the Horitomo.

I've had someone else ask if she could take a picture of my leg to show her boyfriend. Well sure! I also told her to google Horitomo and monmon cats. This cat, even in its scabby peeling phase is averaging at least one compliment from a stranger per day.

[keepcalm]

Try thinking of your interactions with women as something other than transaction-based, to start.

good god this

[Fala]

I had my first "stare" and comment the other day (because my tattoos are normally concealed under clothes.) The woman said, "good god, your tattoo puts mine to shame." Then she pointed to her ankle (a little vine/flower/heart.) It was a BIG deal for her to have that tattoo, and I felt weird that the importance of it seemed belittled by the size of my tattoo (based on her repeated comments about the comparison between the two.) It isn't a contest, after all. That said, the ankle tattoo was done by a scratcher, so there ya go...

I LOVE looking at other people's tattoos, and totally regret not asking this dude who did his sleeve at the farmer's market the other weekend. It was amazing.

@TrixieFaux - you have an especially lovely monmon cat tattoo!!!!

[TrixieFaux]

I LOVE looking at other people's tattoos, and totally regret not asking this dude who did his sleeve at the farmer's market the other weekend. It was amazing.

@DJDeepFried and I saw a guy in Santa Monica on Monday with a really nice looking back piece. We wanted to ask him who did it but he was busy w/his little toddler and we didn't want to bother him. It was a ship w/ the words "Homeward Bound", water, sky, etc. He was covered in other solid traditional tattoos as well. Looked like he could easily be an LSTer. So... who was it? Anyone here?

[Mick Weder]

And these are mostly the subtle stares we might pick up on.

When my wife (who has nil tattoos) are out and I may be walking ahead, she sees so many people cranking their necks and literally stop to stare. She can't believe it.

On another note but, we took our kids to a music concert some time back one evening. All the other stiff parents in their usual shirts, ties and lovely attire...I'm in my usual jeans, t shirts and thongs.

The following day at the school...you know, some mother had the audacity to say to my wife...your poor kids. When my wife asked what the fuck she was talking about, she says...don't you feel ashamed on the bad influence your husband has on your children?

Fuck, didn't that bitch cop a serve from the Mrs.

[Euchlid]

There are a fair amount of visibly tattooed folks here in Vancouver, and more and more heavily tattooed ones so I don't feel like I stick out tooooooo much, especially in certain areas of the city.

When I travel it's a whole other ball game though. Last time I went to the Netherlands to visit family I was a definite anomaly, when my husband and I went to Rio in 2009 were stuck out like sore thumbs, especially on the beach. We're going to South Africa and Mauritius so that will be a fun experience of trying to stick out less, haha especially as my husband will have most of his rioting monks leg sleeve finished.

I really don't mind getting stares, I've gotten lots of compliments from older people which is great, although I think they're more perturbed by my septum jewellery than anything else.

What I don't like is unwanted touching. When I was 18 and living in Paris, I only had my back tattoos, and I lost count of the number of people who would "don't mind if I do" and just pull my shirt aside to get a better look. what in the fuck. do not fucking touch me unless I say you can. ugh. I hated that.

I find I get grabbed less now that I'm more heavily tattooed, maybe they think I'm intimidating. lol Or I've gotten better at the "don't you fucking dare" look.

[Mick Weder]

There's defo some advantages.

When we take the kids to the beach and looking for a primo spot to sit, it's amazing how when I'll strip down to a pair of shorts, put up the umbrella, fold out the chair and crack a coldie, then the people who up and move ha!

Was it sumfink that I done? Thanks for the space.

[Pugilist]

@TrixieFaux - thank you for the reminder that stares are not always hostile. I find this so tough, because it's hard to know if people are admiring or being creeps. I usually say that I never get comments or stares about my tattoos because we live in a very tattooed neighbourhood (that's also really gay, so I am pretty uninteresting to most, haha), but for some reason this past week I have been getting constant comments. Earlier, when I was walking the dog, a man stopped me to say, "you have beautiful legs" (I am wearing a dress that's short-ish so you can see a lot of my thigh tattoos). And like, I had no idea if he was saying it in an admiring or sleazy way... I mean that is kind of a weird thing to say to a stranger, even if you mean well! I don't want to be ungenerous when folks say stuff like that, but when it's ambiguous I also tend to opt for protecting myself and not engaging, which is kind of a shame if people mean well.

(That said, why is it that many of the comments I've gotten recently have been of the ambiguous nature above, and not like, "I love your tattoos", but instead commenting on the body part itself? I guess the comments sound ambiguous because they probably ARE, like these dudes are admiring my tattoos while assessing my body at the same time. I dunno.)

Of course, he could have been talking to my dog, who does indeed have a sweet set of gams.

[DevilMan]

When I travel it's a whole other ball game though. Last time I went to the Netherlands to visit family I was a definite anomaly, when my husband and I went to Rio in 2009 were stuck out like sore thumbs, especially on the beach.

You felt like an anomaly in The Netherlands? Tattoo's are fairly normal here, and most people don't really care, and I hardly ever notice anybody staring at me... but maybe it's just me :)

There are some parts in the country which are highly religious, and tattoo's are not 'normal' there, but everywhere else it's really no problem.

[Euchlid]

You felt like an anomaly in The Netherlands? Tattoo's are fairly normal here, and most people don't really care, and I hardly ever notice anybody staring at me... but maybe it's just me :)

There are some parts in the country which are highly religious, and tattoo's are not 'normal' there, but everywhere else it's really no problem.

All my dad's side of the family lives in the Netherlands, so it was while visiting family in small towns like Ede, and Venendaal.

They weren't negative stares, as I don't think anyone cares haha, it was more so that I didn't notice any other heavily tattooed people. So I kind of stuck out. In bigger cities like Rotterdam and Amsterdam, of course no second looks.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh yeah, and when I was visiting pals in Seoul I definitely got stared at. Between having long blonde hair, and showing my shoulders (sleeveless tops are scandalous, whereas tiny shorts are not, lol there was no fucking way I was wearing a tshirt in 30 +degrees) the tattoos just added to the mix of things to look at. I didn't mind though, people were super nice, and Seoul is a rad city. Lots of tourists wanting photos with me was also funny.

[misterJ]

I'm in my usual jeans, t shirts and thongs.

some mother had the audacity to say to my wife...your poor kids. When my wife asked what the fuck she was talking about, she says...don't you feel ashamed on the bad influence your husband has on your children?

Fuck, didn't that bitch cop a serve from the Mrs.

First off man you made my day, I havent heard them called thongs since I was like 8 and my mom got me sandals for a vacation.

DAT BITCH! I would have lost it... Bad influence my ass. Everyone is trying to raise their child to be this creative thinking individual while exposing them to nothing but approved normality. I know your kids will be better smarter faster

[TrixieFaux]

When my wife asked what the fuck she was talking about, she says...don't you feel ashamed on the bad influence your husband has on your children?

And this right here indicates the bad influence she will have on her children who were born with the capacity to become open minded individuals. Maybe they still will. Some kids can overcome the harshness of their parents.

[polliwog]

I've been getting a lot of "are you getting a sleeve?" comments lately. I have two tattoos on one arm that are totally separate and don't match at all.

I've been sort of frustrated with that arm lately because I feel like I've backed myself into a corner with what I can put on it and find it amusing that it's what people choose to compliment.

[Euchlid]

@polliwog tell them you're going to tie it all together with smoke and swirls.

People often ask me if i'm going to extend my sleeves all the way to my wrists (they're ¾) I usually explain the hilarity in trying to find long sleeves that can cover my ¾ sleeves when my arms are extended out…. and that I like my job…. so no. ¾ was a planned thing, and they'll stay that way

[Mick Weder]

First off man you made my day, I havent heard them called thongs since I was like 8 and my mom got me sandals for a vacation.

DAT BITCH! I would have lost it... Bad influence my ass. Everyone is trying to raise their child to be this creative thinking individual while exposing them to nothing but approved normality. I know your kids will be better smarter faster

That's the thongs I wear on my feet too BTW, not the ones I adorn during drunky blunders. :p

I used to get real angry with that shit, but ya know, if I kept getting angry with how people are in general, I'd be angry all the time.

It's like, today I found out a dude I've known for some time, a dude I considered a friend, mentioned my name in front of a group of people & let the cat out of the bag regarding a something I have been doing at work that may not be entirely in accordance with local policy, but it's a something where no one suffers and it's for the better for all concerned...a little of the cutting of corners for everyones benefit.

All know what I'm doing, but it's one of them things we don't mention. You's all get the drift I'm sure.

For me, that's a matter of integrity. Loose lips sink ships.

I didn't get angry, don't get upset...I now just wipe him from my circle of trust.

That mole at my kids school, I make sure I go out of my way now to sit next to her, say hello & smile.

[LadyGabe]

That mole at my kids school, I make sure I go out of my way now to sit next to her, say hello & smile.

I also especially love smiling and being really friendly to those who have obviously made a snap judgement on my appearance!

My boyfriend is a muscly, skin head with very vibrant traditional tattoos of a reaper, a devil and all sorts of dark things. But he is the biggest, kindest and cuddliest bear ever when you speak to him! So polite and thoughtful, a real gentleman. It still cracks me up when he holds the door for a little old lady and they look terrified of his kindness!! haha

EDIT: I am not so sure my BF would be so pleased that is how I described him come to think of it! Ruin his manly image ;)

[Abellve]

Grabbing and touching without consent are not cool. I'm an unattractive male and it's happened to me plenty. I've been sitting at dinner with my wife and felt my shirt sleeve being pulled up by a stranger so they could appease their curiosity

...and I don't think we should be telling girls that if a man invades their space and ownership of their own body they should find it charming or flattering. No one else should have control over what they see of you, least of all men over women given the track record and the culture we've created.

[misterJ]

I've been sitting at dinner with my wife and felt my shirt sleeve being pulled up by a stranger so they could appease their curiosity

I'm glad it happens to others, but not. It is so disturbing the first time it happens, and honestly I was concerned that I was overreacting when I was so negative about the situation.

I feel like we are the body builders in the gym when most people want to lose like 5 pounds or be social. Maybe we just need to accept the stares. Not so much the touching.

[Mick Weder]

Cruised out for beers and food last night.

Young lady serving from the bar asks, awesome tattoos. She extends her hand, I shake it like I would anyone else. We chat for 5 minutes about tattoos. She pulls up her own sleeve to show me her sleeve work. She thanks me for the time, I say.. No! Thank you as she served me a beer for free.

A pleasant, genuine exchange with respect which should be consistent with every engagement...in my book.

[Colored Guy]

There's defo some advantages.

When we take the kids to the beach and looking for a primo spot to sit, it's amazing how when I'll strip down to a pair of shorts, put up the umbrella, fold out the chair and crack a coldie, then the people who up and move ha!

Was it sumfink that I done? Thanks for the space.

Yeah, like who farted? My wife was the first one to point out that when we were out together, people got out of my way quickly. Then I started noticing it too.

- - - Updated - - -

Grabbing and touching without consent are not cool. I'm an unattractive male and it's happened to me plenty. I've been sitting at dinner with my wife and felt my shirt sleeve being pulled up by a stranger so they could appease their curiosity

...and I don't think we should be telling girls that if a man invades their space and ownership of their own body they should find it charming or flattering. No one else should have control over what they see of you, least of all men over women given the track record and the culture we've created.

I was out at a local bar last week and ran into a couple from town. Me and the husband work out at the same gym, so he sees me all the time. His wife really hasn't seen me in a while, so she says "holy shit, I didn't know you were so tattooed". She pulls up my sleeves for a look. We had a good laugh and she shows me a new one on the back of her neck. She's a total looker so I had no problem with her checking me out. Everyone some stranger does that, I just ask, may I help you?

[Mark Bee]

I had my first really open antagonistic stare this week while in Quebec City. I sat down for breakfast and was reading the paper when two unpleasant people made a show of staring at my arms, sneering and then giggling derisively at me. It was weird and I feel sorry for them that they have so little going on in their lives that they tried to make me feel badly about my tattoos. Its fortunate that I do not give a damn what they think of my tattoos, or me, for that matter. I thought about it for a minute, grabbed a second coffee, and relaxed and enjoyed the paper before having a lovely day exploring the walled city with my wife on our anniversary. I've had others stare and clearly not like what they see, but never quite like this. What sad people. I was embarrassed for them. Solution? Get more tattoos.

By the way, this was not representative of the people I met in QC. Apart from them, everyone else was friendly and accomodating and I'd go back in a heartbeat.