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the glamorous life

amoxill

By amoxill,
in Crazy Tattoo Stories

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hawk Regular

hawk

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I'd much rather tattoo the crazies, fatties, etc. and be able talk about killing zombies than inking the over tanned uptown julie browns exhibiting their zanax prescription.

Case in point;

I like to derail some people when they are the first timer questioning me to be serious about how much pain is involved minutes before I start, it don't matter what I reply with as they will soon know so sometimes I just say "I compare it to the first time ya have anal sex, that shid hurts!" and it totally derails them and they generally don't reply or the replies will vary between males and females to something so "off the wall". But one time after I was underway after the "no reply/response" this lady stated "You lied! I'd much rather have anal sex than this!" I had to laugh.

As to the variety of "earthy and real people" we get, I once had a lady in the chair getting a bird of paradise on her should, her back to me, and this guy stopped by needing to talk about some deep marital stuff he was going through and how his Wife left him for ANOTHER WOMAN. I told him that I had once pondered as to "who would know better than another woman how and where to please another woman", now the lady in the chair hadn't said a word since we had began and was not part of this discussion but at that point she turned her head towards us and spoke up "That's a crock of szhit, this beotch was eating my pussy last Saturday and she didn't know what the f*%k she was doing" at which point I couldn't help but burst into laughter.

I love my job.

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Ursula Hero

Ursula

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I worked for a guy who claimed to have more than one female customer start masturbating while getting tattooed.. This is something I can't really understand.. I mean I guess if you are a exhibitionist and a bit masochistic then maybe? Same guy also told me a few tales about ladies getting totally naked to get their lower back tattooed, or ladies getting totally topless to get a small shoulder or chest tattoo.. Unfortunately I think on most occasions they're the ladies you don't wanna see naked who like to get naked.... I actually remember hiding in the back of the shop on a couple occasions and having to force myself not to burst out laughing at some of them..

But yeah @hawk is right, I'd rather have to talk to some fat chick or whatever then deal with a zanax queen (or king) any day, in just about any situation unless it's when I'm on a plane or trying to buy zanex, the later of which doesn't really happen....

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Johnny Regular

Johnny

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I dont think I'd be bothered so much by someone who is overweight as much as someone who smelled bad, which I am sure is an issue. I mean, as long as the nice young lady in the picture above has recently showered, it doesnt seem so bad. Otherwise, it could be excruciating.

I dont think I am buying the masturbating thing either. Seems to me it would make you move too much and result in a shaky tattoo. Fun story though.

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hawk Regular

hawk

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'Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye'- Shakespeare

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.'- Miss Piggy

'Long, short, thin, heavy, 12 fingers, 3 legs, rough or smooth, I shall drink it all and belch what I don't desire till my lifes experience end.'- Hawk

BigAl my friend, we here on the LST are the people bred out of the uncommon perception of what is beauty and beautify ourselves and others in some cases to balance any of our personal short comings. That Lady in the posted pic appears a very happy and a beautiful person full of life, that is what my eye beholds and I'm certain the thread was never intended to insult and if this is anybody's perception then let me be the first to apologize.

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Lance Contributor

Lance

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Now I've never had an interest to be a Tattoo Artist. I like art and used to draw a lot but was never interested in tattooing. I have a lot of non-tattooed friends though and one night over dinner they asked why I never became a Tattooist. Rather than get into a long winded discussion I didn't really care to get into my response was, "Asses!!! I don't want to spend time hovering over and poking a smelly naked guy in the ass! No smelly asses! Can't do it!".

That photo starting the post is the epitome of that idea. Ha ha!

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amoxill Regular

amoxill

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hawk pretty much took the words right out of my mouth, but i'd be remiss not to reiterate that my post was never intended as a dig toward any particular body type.

i would've posted if it had been a bald skinny chick from Baytown, a hirsute Armenian bodybuilder, or a Hindu dwarf.

the salient point being that despite the sanitized and glamorized tattooer-rock star image perpetuated in reality programming, for me the reality of a good bit of this profession is being elbow-deep in some stranger's ass meat while my friends are at the bar.

(which, by the way, is fine by me.)

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JAllen Champion

JAllen

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real "in the trenches" tattooing, that's what it's about. you never know what's going to come through the door, awesome. for smelly people, they either get an accidental splash of green soap in the neighboring area that is causing the odor or if thats not possible a little swipe of dettol across my mustache before the tattoo does the trick.

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cfgsteak Contributor

cfgsteak

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I like that picture...you are both laughing. It looks like a fun time. Its one of my favorite things about getting tattooed...that really unhibited feeling at the shop, off color jokes, pretty much nothings off limits to laugh and joke about...everyone's pretty equal with their ass hanging out getting tattooed at the shop.

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BigAl Ex-Lurker

BigAl

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Sorry been out for a few days started a new job (c.n.a) so while y'all are elbow deep in ass meet I'm elbow deep in shit and piss and old funk... but I didn't take it as an offense LOL I been fat my whole life and one if the things I learned early was that you got let stuff roll off your shoulder and I usually would have made a joke about it was just in a hurry that day

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Scott R Hero

Scott R

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hahahaha nice one. I wonder if all the retards who think they want to be a tattooer cause it's so fun and cool realize that 90% of the time it's tattooing fat chicks asses and titties....

Ursula, How dare you talk about titties like that! Fat titties are better than no titties at all ;)

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